When my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I cried out to the Lord with these kinds of questions.
I've learned that great emotion of any sort--grief, pain, or fear--can keep us from hearing God's voice clearly. It is at times like this that having a history with the Lord is extremely helpful. The first time a terrible crisis of grief or pain is encountered reminds me of the caliber of fear I experienced as a child when I suffered a bad dream. The first time I awoke in the night following one of these bad dreams, I believed the nightmare was real and my terror was intense. But although I went through a phase during which I suffered recurring nightmares, the fear was never again so all encompassing as on that first occasion. On a subconscious level I had become aware that the bad dream was not real, I would wake up; and everything would be alright. Similarly, although I was miserable and afraid at the time I was told my mother had Alzheimer's disease, I had a healthy confidence that the Lord was going to help me simply because I knew He had helped me in the past.
When we've walked with the Lord for awhile, we learn that even though we may not be able to hear him clearly, He is with us nonetheless. God's presence with us does not depend upon our ability to perceive Him. His power, presence, and provision in our lives do not depend on us at all, but on Him. When we belong to Him, we have the right to cry out to Him; and He isn't particular about how we do it. Eloquence is not required. The prayer might take place while on a solitary walk, in a roomful of people, or leaning with one's head on the steering wheel of a parked car sobbing out broken words of anguish, as I found myself soon after my mom's diagnosis. He hears our prayers.
If you are in the midst of your first major life crisis as a Christian, please trust what I tell you now; the Lord will help you. He will help you in ways you can't see or imagine. As you trust Him and cry out to Him the path before you will be made clear. Don't be afraid. He loves you, and He will take care of you.
Here is comfort from Scripture:
God does not willingly bring grief or suffering (See Lamentations 3:33;) His will flows over all that is grievous and changes darkness to light (See Psalm 18:28;) all things are incorporated into and transformed by His perfect will (See Romans 8:28;) where time and eternity touch, His will is done on earth as in Heaven (See Matthew 6:10;) we can’t yet perceive what we will one day see clearly because we walk by faith and not by sight. (See 1 Corinthians 13:12.)Back in April I wrote a post entitled "Where is God in Alzheimer's?" and included the guidance the Lord has provided me these past seven years as I've learned to live with my mom's failing memory and to trust the Lord day by day for the path that lies ahead. If you are hungry for more comfort and help from the Lord in the wake of a diagnosis of dementia for yourself or someone you love, I pray you will be helped by what you find here. Clicking on the title of the post at the beginning of this paragraph will take you to the April post.