I woke up today feeling upset about the seclusion of infirmity.
I am so crippled by profound exhaustion and various conditions that ebb and flow with uncomfortable symptoms, that something so mundane as a routine eye appointment becomes a trial, a dental appointment is an ordeal requiring intercessory prayer, and the prospect of something like a vacation is an impossibility. Vacations take so much energy that I do not have.
It comes to me that sometimes, the solution is to wait upon the Lord. This entails living with the uncertainty and unease of all that has happened to me and seeking medical treatment when appropriate without going on a grand quest for answers doctors probably can't provide. I trust that my times are in God’s hands, and that He will give me, as Matthew Henry says, not the expectations of my fears, but the expectations of faith.
The solitude of infirmity is disheartening. And yet I’m equipped for it, enabled, and for the most part I have peace with it.
I am not unwilling to take risks, in fact, I’ve been aware that the Lord goes ahead of me to spring the traps of foolhardiness. I am too prone to give way either to the judgments of human beings or, at times, to my own restlessness, and thus I become vulnerable to paths of action not of God’s choosing for me. His word to me has been an assignment to keep my heart content in Him in this solitude that is not of my choosing. The battles are with loneliness and self-discipline, the rewards are intimacy with God as I seek His face and an increasing ability to follow the Holy Spirit’s direction. When other voices are silenced, God’s voice has the opportunity to be heard more clearly. This has been a blessing, a great blessing of this time.
God is my advocate, healer, and provider: my comfort and help in every heartache. He is the Lord, my healer, and I pray for healing.
I will trust Him for the timing of the healing I believe He has promised.
The Don Moen song says, “I am the Lord that healeth thee…” But sometimes, ahead of the healing, He is the God who sustains us through suffering. Resting in His goodness even in the uncertainty of infirmity is a step on the healing path…I confess I am healed, in the name of Jesus. I can rest in not knowing the timing of my restoration because I am resting in Him. Some wounds aren't healed until Heaven--and isn't that something to anticipate with joy? But others are healed while we are still here, and I do hope to "...yet see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage, and wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27:14).
“But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, “You are my God” My times are in Your hand…” (Psalm 31:14-15a).
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