I cried out to the Lord, weeping:
Lord, You know what portion of my tears are selfish; what will I do without my mother?
You know what portion of my tears consist of terrible empathy for my sweet mom who is lost in a confusion she did not choose and cannot help, a victim of the brain damage caused by Alzheimer plaques and tangles. I dread the increased suffering she may have to endure.I had lapsed to fear not only of Mom's death, but of the struggle we may have to undergo on her way to that final passage. So I turned to the road map the Lord was gracious to provide us near the beginning of my mother's battle with Alzheimer's. Over a series of months I recorded His guidance into a manuscript that became My Mom Has Alzheimer's: Inspiration and Help for Caregivers (Bridge-Logos, 2009). Here are quotes from the book that have helped me today:
And You know what portion of my tears come from worry that the same thing might happen to me.
The Lord... is sovereign over death. His good and perfect will encompasses every life event, even those that cause us pain. He is able to work every circumstance into conformity with His will, for our good (p. 247).
Jesus Christ has conquered death. His purpose in coming was to deliver me and to set me completely free. He is trustworthy and He is in control. I pray for grace and the will to look steadfastly at Him so that I will not be afraid (p. 250).
Our physical bodies are like the alabaster vase that held the nard Mary poured upon the feet of Jesus. The vase was broken to release the perfume. Each of us is headed toward an appointment with physical brokenness because no one escapes physical death. Sometimes the process of death is painful and for just a little while, we are preoccupied with the breaking of the container, but then the fragrance of Christ flows forth as the spirit is released (p. 255).And what wonderful comfort from Scripture:
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them” (Isaiah 42:16 NIV).I don't feel happy right now, but I am calm. I don't like feeling sorrow, but I am assured of the Lord's comfort. I'm tired but I am confident the Lord will provide me strength.
“And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place” (Deuteronomy 1:31, NLT).
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3 NIV).
As I write these words, Mom is comfortably tucked into bed, sleeping soundly. She is doing ok right now, and because of God's grace and guidance, so am I.