|I can't see the outcome of the changes that are happening in my mother's life|
and my own, but the Lord is with us, and the results of this time of change are in His hands.
I've feared that my mother and I are so connected through bonds not only of love but also of her powerful need of me, that her death might cause a life-threatening rending in my heart. I've caught glimpses that the Lord has caused my mom to remain here so long in order to give me time to bring these ties that have bound me to her into His light. Severing those connections is not a surgery I can do for myself.
This is embarrassing. What if those tiresome, only-child jokes about apron strings and being Mommy's little girl turn out to hold truth? But of much greater concern to me at this point, what if the severing of those ties finishes me off? I've had a mind picture of my mother and me in separate vehicles, traveling side-by-side. I've escorted her on her journey to a boundary I can't cross, and it is time for me to make a U-turn and head back to finish my own journey. How do I make that turn?
A few mornings ago I awoke with the terms "restore, renew, revive," in my mind. I think that the Lord is telling me that when Mom passes away that I can trust Him to restore what has been lost, renew my zest for life, and revive me, even physically. But I can't see past that seemingly final blow of my mother's passing. It's like that uneasy moment when one restarts a computer and the screen goes blank. Will it spring to life once more?
The one sure promise to which I cling is that the Lord is with us. He's promised never to leave or forsake us. Whether healing and restoration occurs on this side of the Jordan or after our crossing, He is there. This fact of His promised presence brings peace.
“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”
--Julian of Norwich
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.