I am allergic to the sun.
If the sun touches my skin and I don't move immediately to shade or shelter, my skin becomes mottled in a lacy, pink and white pattern, and my legs sometimes break out in a weird rash.
I sometimes have a butterfly rash on my face because I have rosacea. I've been tested for Lupus many times; the tests always come back negative.
A year ago I had every blood test known to man (or at least, those deemed necessary by the hematologist I visited) with nothing to note save for a slightly elevated white count. No indications of autoimmune disease although I am low thyroid and have rosacea, which I control with a low antibiotic dose and by avoiding sunlight as much as possible.
I have what is probably chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. The most distressing problems I've navigated in the past couple of years are gut issues. I've learned that when one is nauseated, the world looks bleak. It is a true faith-based mind-over-matter exercise for me to convince myself all is well and in God's hands when I'm sick in this way.
I could go on (and on), but this post is not about my low energy and plethora of physical ills. It is about trusting God through the challenges of having an undiagnosed illness.
The Lord in His love has asked me to trust Him for my physical health. I am assured that if I need an official diagnosis, that He knows how to provide that for me. When I was younger I tried "doctor hopping." This took lots of time, energy I did not have, and it became expensive. Along the way I met some lovely and touchingly concerned people who tried hard to help me, but there were also some disturbing encounters with physicians who had little time and, sometimes, little patience with someone who, in test results, appears to be perfectly fine.
I'm still alive 35 years later and so whatever is wrong is apparently not life-threatening. However, feeling awful much of the time can be life-altering.
No one wants to feel sick. No one wants to suffer an illness for which there is no diagnosis or cure. There isn't a pat answer for how to cope except...
Trust the Lord. Trust Him on good days. Trust Him on bad days. Seek His face. Pour out your heart to Him. Depend on His kindness and compassion; they are always present via the path His great love as manifested in Christ.
The God who created me and knows me to a molecular level is able to provide what I need. I have become afraid of suffering further, and He is compassionate and not condemning regarding this fear. I bring it to Him daily, and daily He provides solace. Our God still does miracles and he still heals; that He sometimes allows discomfort or even suffering provides us opportunity to cast our anxieties onto Him even when that entails things we'd rather not face or endure.
Today, I'm sick. But the Lord has provided a peaceful place, a comfortable chair, and strength to do the work that must be done.
If you scroll down at the end of this post you'll see a couple of documentations in the form of photos of my weird skin discomforts (likewise, if you don't want to see these stop scrolling now). Most of the time, I'm able to avoid these outbreaks nowadays. And yes, the medicine I take for rosacea did come from a physician who prescribed it for me.
I'm grateful and I am trusting in the Lord, who provides for me.
Blessed be the Lord,
Who daily loads us with benefits,
The God of our salvation!
Psalm 69:18 NKJV
<><
No comments:
Post a Comment